The truth about me...

For the first entry after my 33rd birthday, I want to tell you about me...

There's something I want to admit..

I think I have OCD (Obsessive–Compulsive Disorder).

I do not realized I have this, until I watched Monk for the first time. Then I googled about it and I think I am one of them. But I wouldn't say I am like the character Monk, I think he's too sick. I think I am more like Monica, from Friends.

I like neat and organized things. I will make sure everything is PERFECT.
Let me give you examples, why I think I have OCD...

1. I LOVE neat place & things in order..

This is my bed..

I will make sure my bed is tidy (as above), right after I wake up (kadang-kadang hubby kena paksa bangun sbb I want made up the bed). I will try my best to make sure the bed stays like that until the time for me to rest. Tapi kadang-kadang geram jugak sebab ada sorang budak besar (a.k.a. Hubby) suka ajak sorang budak kecik (a.k.a. Iman) main guling-guling atau gusti kat katil sebelum tido. If that happen, then I 'force' my hubby to tidy it up and make sure the bedsheet tak renyuk-renyuk before I jump on bed...

I noticed I have this obsession since I was in boarding school. I sanggup tido kat lantai time afternoon nap, sbb sayang nak renyukkan katil sampai tido malam. Mcm sakit hati je bila member suka-suka dtg dan lanyak katil!!

Not only my bed... I will make sure Izz & Iman's bed pun sentiasa kemas...

Izz's crib next to ours..

And Iman's bed..

The obsession to make sure everything is tidy & neat, does not apply only to my bed but to everything...

Even my cloth hangers must be hang and put in order as I want...

See how I arranged the hangers according to colors, sizes and type... Sebenarnya kan I like thing to be in the same size or color. I hate when there are things out-of-the-ordinary... Like the hangers in the pic, I tak suka yang kaler biru tu sbb dah kacau susunan hanger orange tu (The reason I tak suka, hanger biru tu ada macam-macam bentuk, saiz & kaler biru yang berlainan).

Sbb tu I susun yg biru tu kat tepi je, tgh menunggu peluang nak buang!! (So anyone nak hanger lebih, let me know k.... I'll give you the blue ones for free...). And for your info, hanger sikit-sikit yang kaler hijau la, merah la, putih la... dah selamat kena buang... hehehe...

Owh.. even when I hang my clothes to dry, I have my own 'system'. All t-shirts MUST be hang using the purple's hanger. All Iman's clothes MUST be hang using the small green hangers. All the undies and Izz's clothes MUST be hang using the round hanger. The big sizes clothes MUST be hang kat palang paling luar, seluar pulak kat palang paling tinggi...

That's why I don't really like people to help me to hang my washed clothes because they'll disturb my 'system'. Even hubby pun tak berani nak tolong. I mean, my hubby is very helpful (Thanks for the thought dear, but no thanks..).... But I HATE it when it's not done as I want... I'll redo everything if I don't like it!!

2. I LOVE to categorized things.

This apply when I want to arrange things.

Even for my closet, I have these categories for my clothes:
1. Hubby's t-shirt (utk jalan-jalan)
2. My t-shirt/blouse (utk jalan-jalan)
3. Pair t-shirt (me & hubby) utk jalan-jalan.
4. Hubby's collar t-shirt
5. My home t-shirt
6. My jeans/shorts/sport trousers
7. Hubby's jeans and short
8. Hubby's sport & cycling clothes.
9. My pyjamas & night t-shirt
10. Hubby's pyjamas and shorts..
11. Hubby's trousers (for work)
12. My trousers.
13. (and of course) Our undies.. which is put in the same drawer with our socks, handkerchiefs and all the small things. Ada kategori jugak dalm laci tu tau...

And the categories also applied to Iman & Izz's closet. I had headache when I organized the closet... I really had to think hard on how I arranged all the clothes and what category the shirt belongs to! And I have another closet just for my scarfs and ironed clothes for work.

This is for the folded ones.

For my hanged clothes, I have a different categories. I have sections for:
1. Baju kurung
2. Baju kebaya
3. Jubah

This only applied to my clothes la... I malas nak susun hubby punya, sbb nanti bila dia simpan, mesti dah tak teratur balik. Dulu I pernah jugak kemas utk dia as follows:
1. Kemeja lengan pendek
2. Kemeja lengan panjang
3. Batik

And it was arrange according to colours, with the darker one on the left and lighter ones on the right. Tapi macam kejap je ikut susunan tu. So sekarang dah malas nak kemas utk dia..

And because I have a 'system' on how I arrange my clothes in the closet, the way I fold the clothes pun mesti ada system...

If most people dislike to fold their clothes, I LOVE it. Again, because of my OCD, I want everything to be exactly my way. Sekali lagi hubby tak suka nak tolong lipat. Bukan sbb dia tak nak tolong, but I'll unfold and refold the clothes if it is not how I want it.

And I never wear the same clothes to work for at least 2 weeks. Bukan la sebab takut org cakap asyik pakai baju sama. But I don't want to discriminate my clothes. I always remember what I have wear at least a week before, because takut nanti ada baju yang 'kecik hati' sebab dah lama tak pakai (eehh.. boleh mcm tu...?). So kena pandai atur cycle baju. And usually I have selected the clothes to wear a week before I should wear them.

And now I have a bigger 'responsibility' because I have to think what hubby should wear to work too. I am in-charge to make sure we wear the same colour or theme, to work every day. Pening tau nak pikir macamana nak cycle baju ni.


3. I HATE dirty laundry...

Since I am obsessed to make sure everything is clean and tidy, I really really hate dirty laundry! Last weekend I went to my sister-in-law's, we had fun, especially Iman, sebab ada ramai kakak yang layan dia.

But when I got back, the only thing in my mind was, the dirty laundry...

My laundry basket last Monday...

I hate when the laundry basket is full, like above. I kept thinking when I can I finished to wash everything? I can't wash everything at once, not because of the washing machine, but I won't have the place to dry everything. Unless hubby is kind enough to buy me a dryer, then my laundry problem will be solved! (*wink wink to hubby...)

And I don't trust people to wash my clothes, I must do it on my own. Hubby paling tension sebab I have two laundry basket, one for colors and one for white. Dia tension je sebab I tak nak campur baju bila basuh.... (but that is normal, right?)

I have a very busy weekend, because Saturday is cleaning time. I'll washed all bedsheets and towels. But usually during weekend, we'll be staying at my mother-in-law or my in-law family... So can you imagine my worry every time we get back home on Sunday evening - with all the dirty laundry???

Then kalau minggu tu hujan pulak... Aduhh.. berat rasa kepala nak pikir bila baju nak kering.. Even kalau tak hujan pun, I don't like if my clothes don't get enough sunlight.. huurrmmmm...

That is why when I'm back to my MIL, I try to avoid washing clothes. It's not like I geli or mengada-ngada nak campur basuh baju dengan dioerg. Tapi selalu bila dah ramai, then baju sidai pun banyak, sampai tak cukup hanger & tpt sidai. Nanti baju tak dpt cukup matahari, so nanti bau baju pun tak best. Especially time raya dan musim hujan datang sekali! Boleh migraine pikir pasal baju kotor time cam ni... huhuhu....

Then bila nak balik, baju pulak belum kering.. sakit nya hati sebab kena letak baju basah-basah dalam plastik. Then sampai rumah kena basuh balik. Kan membazir... So better tak yah basuh & basuh sendiri kat rumah, kan...? I have this feeling that my clothes are ONLY clean if I washed it at home using my own washing machine.

So usually kalau stay semalam je, I won't wash our clothes. But if we stay more than 2 days, then I'll wash it.. Tapi selalu nya I basuh lambat-lambat skit, tunggu baju org lain dah kering, dan ada space & hanger nak sidai...

Because of reason No (1) - (3), I don't like the pre & post-traveling. But I love to travel.

I am obsessed to make sure I've pack everything before I go (tu yang pegi semalam je, I pack macam nak stay seminggu!!). Kadang-kadang pack-unpack sampai 5-6 kali sebelum bertolak. I like doing my packing early because I takut nanti terguna/terpakai apa yang I nak bawak, tapi bila dah packing awal sgt, nanti I takut ada yang tertinggal. Tu yang selalu recheck apa yang dah masuk beg. Kadang-kadang rasa tak perlu nak bawak, so keluarkan balik dan tukar dgn yang lain. Susah kan???

And I am obsessed to unpack and wash everything once I'm home. No matter how late I reached home, I'll make sure I'll finish unpacking and put everything as how I keep it - even the bags MUST be stored before I sleep.

Sebab tu masa undergrade dulu, masa nak balik kolej lepas cuti, I selalu naik flight pagi & sehari lebih awal. Bukan sebab nak pegi dating tapi sebab as soon as I reached the dorm room & get my key, I kena bersihkan bilik yang berhabuk tu, lap meja & almari before letak baju. And I can only sleep at night if I can make everything look normal.

4. I am a COLLECTOR...

... but not a HOARDER. Unlike some OCD, I am just a plain collector. Because I like neat and tidy things, I'll throw away or give away all unused stuff, I don't keep it like hoarders.

I like things nice and neatly organized. Like my room, I suka tengok bila kemas macam kat hotel or deco magazine.

So for my books, I like it when it have a 'library' feeling. I was very excited when hubby bought bookshelf from IKEA last April. So I can put my collection.

Started with RL Stine (Fear Street series) & Christopher Pike's collections

Then my Sidney Sheldon & Mary Higgins Clark

My John Grisham & book-turn-to-movie collections

Danielle Steel, Little Black Dress series & my latest obsession, Sophie Kinsella...

My problem with the collecting habit is, I only buy & read book from the same author. I only stopped buying book from the same authors once I have read all of them and there's no more new books from them or if I found the writing is boring. Then I'll find new author to read from. And I'll try my best to buy from the same publisher, so that it will have the same book cover design (it'll broke my heart if I cannot find same publisher, tak suka tgk design lain-lain).

Macam Danielle Steel & John Grisham, I stopped buying them because tak semua buku dia I suka. Susah nak carik jalan cerita yang best (for me la...). Same goes for the Little Black Dress series. I stopped because after my 3rd book, I dah start boring.

But for Sidney Sheldon & Mary Higgins Clark.. I have read all (if not almost all)! I even waited for their new books to be out. So sad, because there will be no more Sidney...

But for Clark, dah lama tak check dia ada keluar buku baru ke tak*. The last one I bought was 'Two Little Girls in Blue' published in 2007. The thing is, her book is very hard to find. I think kat KL banyak la kot, but JB & Kuching susah sangat. I remembered looking for 'Daddy's Little Girl'... punya la payah nak carik time tu! Even now, macam tak jumpa je buku baru Clark ni. And I only buy Mary's book, not the one she co-authored with her daughter, Carol.

*I just googled Mary Higgins Clark, and she has new books since 2008!!
So my next quest is to find all 5 of her books...

I have stopped buying (and reading) books for quite some time. Bukan la tak de masa, but I don't know what book to collect. I tak beli buku sebarangan, there's MUST be a reason to collect (same author or same series), baru I start beli buku tu. And since most of my ex-colleagues recommended Sophie Kinsella, so I decided to have hers as my next collection. I was very excited when I found the 'Sophie Kinsella's 5-in-1 Shopaholic Boxset'! So now I have all 5 of the shopaholic books. Tak payah nak beli satu-satu. Hehehehe....

And all my books, I'll make sure I'll wrapped it with plastics BEFORE I read it. No matter how excited I wanted to read the book, I will not read - not even the first page, until I wrapped it nicely & neatly. So I always make sure I have my plastic wrapper at home so that I boleh terus wrap lepas beli.

And this 'collecting' habit, terjangkit masa I pregnant. I don't have any craving for foods during both pregnancy. Makan macam biasa je, ade la jugak teringin tu, tapi takde la sampai kena cari sampai nangis-nangis. Tapiiii.... time tu I gile buat koleksi!!

Pregnant Iman, I gila collect gelang kristal...

Masa ni, I mmg suka berhias. Every day I wear matching bracelet with my clothes.

Then time Izz pulak, gile collect tudung Annur....
Yang ni still jugak nak sampai sekarang. Tapi dah berjaya kontrol sikit la, sebab hampir semua color wajib I dah ada.

I think I have spent more than RM1000 for each obsession during my pregnancy!!


5. I HAVE a strict daily rutine

This is the thing my hubby worry about me. Because I want everything to be as I like, I don't trust other people to do it. He's worried because doing the same housework everyday, made me looked tired. So as a husband who loves his wife very very much (love you too dear..), he only allowed me to cook dinner 3-4 days a week. So I can have few nights to play with the kids and rest (tapikan sebenarnya hubby nak diet, dia takut kalau dia makan heavy tetiap malam, nanti dia gemuk.. hahahah).

So everyday I have the same routine, from morning till night. I don't like to disturb my routine because if I do, then I need to think when and how I can do everything so that it will be 'normal' for me again. Sometimes hubby will lend his hand, but only on things that I trust him to do (e.g: angkat baju dr tpt sidai & wash the dishes - nothing to do with folding or hanging...).. Angkat baju & wash dishes pun ada cara jugak, tapi kadang-kadang sebab dah terlalu penat, I just let go...

That's why I don't think I want to have maid at home. I don't like having strangers living with us, let alone to trust her with all the house work. Maybe if I can find a maid that can do exactly as being told (yahh right...as if you can find one...), then maybe I'll consider to have one.

But one thing I don't like is to vacuum the house. Luckily I have a husband who HATES dust, so sweeping & cleaning & vacuuming the house (including the bathroom & toilets) is his job - this is the only thing we have in-common, both of us HATE dirty & untidy place...

And yang I paling I tak suka, let say I skipped one day of having this obsession, all my things and routines will be a mess, then I akan jadi malas untuk kemas balik dan I takut nanti I will be a HOARDER!! Seriously, if my routine or style is disturbed, I'll become lazy and just leave things in a mess. Bila dah jadi macam ni, then I need time to pull myself together before I start cleaning again. So let me do my routine and things will be neat & tidy. I don't think you want to see me becoming a hoarder!!


6. I LOVE to wash my hand!!

This is 'normal' for OCD. Especially since H1N1 ni kan. Kejap-kejap I nak basuh tangan, especially before I handle my kids, make their milk etc... The non-soap hand sanitizer is always in my handbag!


Six reason should be enough to categorized me as an OCD...is it?
What do you think? Do I have OCD? Not yet??

eerrmm.. let me think what else...

oohhh.... when I eat, I will make sure kuah tak melebihi nasi, kecuali bila makan sup or tomyam. Kalau secara tak sengaja terletak kuah banyak, then samaada I stop makan or I tambah nasi so kuantiti nasi & kuah akan jadi sama banyak. Then I jarang makan lebih dari 2 lauk. Usually there's rice, 1 serving of meat/fish and 1 serving of vege (ni kadang-kadang je la, ikut mood & if ada vege that I like...) only. Dan I tak suka kalau campur-campur kuah. Kalau amik ayam masak kicap, then kuah mesti masak kicap sahaja. Dulu I pelik, macamana ada org yang boleh letak macam-macam kuah, sampai nasi dia jadi macam-macam kaler. One more, kalau makan nasi lemak, nasi ayam dan nasi + tomyam, I mesti pakai sudu dan garfu. Rasa macam tak sesuai pakai tangan bila makan tiga nasi yg disebut tadi.

But (I think) I am better than before. Kalau dulu, baju dalam almari tu I akan susun ikut type (mesti asing yang bercorak dan plain) and color. Dan color tu, mesti yang gelap kat sebelah kiri, then cerah and lastly, kaler putih...

As for the collection, sometimes I don't know when or how to stop. There's some that I bought, I did not read or use or wear. Nasib I collect buku je sekarang. Dulu masa sekolah lagi teruk, I collect cassettes and videos too! Pantang Bapak bagi duit belanja lebih, for sure habis beli kaset , sampai Mak bising! Tapi sayang, because my family have been moving around so many times, I don't know where does all my collection goes.

Previously I also collect CSI:Crime Scene Investigation's DVDs, but since I skipped one season, I stopped. When my best buddy (a.k.a. my series supplier), Poja was around (she's now in Belfast, continuing her study.), I also collect downloaded series (American Next Top Model, Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewife, Grey's Anatomy etc) . But since I have Iman to keep me busy and my external harddisk was full with the collection, I stopped.

I can say that Monk have make me realized that I am sick. I know I need to control myself. I don't want to this OCD to control me and at the end, I am stuck with all the routine. and wasting money on things I do not need.

Now, I am trying my best to let go bit by bit. Hopefully maybe one day I can be cured and I can live my life freely - without having to think so many things in my mind.

But I guess, because I have this OCD, I am good in whatever I do because I always make sure my work is perfect. And again, I don't trust other people to do my work.

That has made the biggest problem when I was appointed to be the head of my department! When you are a leader, you must be good in managing your work and (most important) distributing work to other people is a must. I got involved in so may projects, I cannot handle it on my own. At first, I did everything myself, but when the work become a burden, I have to learn to let go and trust people. I began to learn to accept how other people do their job and accept that it may never be perfect as I wanted it.

Even writing my blog, I have to read the entry few times (at least three) before I am satisfied and click to publish... (FYI, this is my FIFTH time reading & rewriting this entry!)..

So there, my confession. I think I need to stop... Nanti become obsessed writing about this!

OK, now it's time to click the 'PUBLISH POST' button....
or maybe I should read it through one more time.... eermmmmm.....
(ooohhhh stop it.. just click the button!!)